September 6, 2016
Hubby and I go for an early dinner since I can’t eat so many hours before my induction. Total hospital BS, but whatever. We end up at Macaroni Grill to get me some pasta so, hopefully, it’ll hold me over until I can eat again. Who knows how many hours that will be.
Side note: we were the only people in the restaurant, because who eats dinner at 3PM, and there was a rat running in the rafters so we got our meal 50% off. He wasn’t bothering us but I’m not going to complain about a discount!
8:00PM we get to the hospital. After checking in, they have me strip down and put on that drafty robe with my ass hanging out. What is it with these robes? I don’t understand. Does anybody actually find these things comfortable?
Hospital protocol is that if you are getting induced, you get hooked up to an IV. People, I was so bloated all over my body that it took two nurses, an ultrasound tech, and an anesthetist to get the darn IV in my arm. I’m pretty sure I had bruises for a month.
Once that horror is done, nurse comes in and inserts Cervidil into my hoo-ha and tells me to sleep. YEAH RIGHT!
My doula shows up around 9:30 and after catching up and chatting, she tells me to sleep. YEAH RIGHT!
After a long night of poker, other card games, and chatting about TV shows, nothing is happening. Literally nothing.
September 7, 2016
8:00AM - Doc comes in and does a check. My cervix is still “in California” as she calls it (meaning way high up there) and not any bit dilated or effaced. Nothing. Twelve hours have passed and nothing.
We start pitocin. This should really get things in gear.
Every few hours, a nurse comes in to up my dose and once or twice Doc comes to check me. Early afternoon, there’s pressure in my thighs and my doula and I can see on the monitor that I’m having some sort of contraction every now and then but no pain, nothing. They keep on upping the dose. I’m at an 18 now.
5:00PM - Doc comes in and is astonished that I’m at an 18 with slight contractions but don’t feel anything. Apparently I’m “superwoman”. Whatever. **eye roll**
This is where things took a turn.
Doc comes in shortly after my last check and says that she may send me home and tell me to come back on a later date to restart the process.
6:30PM - Doc comes back and says I’m not being sent home. That’s not an option anymore but here are my two options: 1) we can stop everything, let me eat and sleep, and start the process over again in the morning or 2) I can just go in for a c-section.
Things aren’t progressing on their time so something has to happen and it has to happen now. What happened to the going home option?
“C-section isn’t happening. Let’s discuss it but I think we’ll start over in the morning.”
Doc and nurses step out and hubby, doula, and I discuss. I am not having a c-section. Nope. I’ll stay in the hospital getting induced for two weeks if I have to. Still, what happened to the going home option?
2 minutes pass and Doc pokes her head in, “have you decided?”
TF?! That wasn’t enough time but sure, we’re going to start over in the AM, Doc.
7:00PM - Doc comes back in to make sure we are 100% committed to our decision because, even if I wait and start over, it’ll probably just end in a c-section any way. Enter guilt shaming for putting my baby at risk by not getting him out right now. His heart rate makes her nervous and Pitocin isn't good for his heart rate. Again, what happened to the going home option?
I have no idea how we got here. There has been nothing alarming in the almost 24 hours that we have been here. Heart rate has been fine, my blood pressure is fine, movement is fine.
AND...I lose it. My worst nightmare, a c-section, is inevitable. Did I think this into being? I’m not even being offered the chance at the natural, med-free birth that I wanted. What if I refuse? Will they take my baby? Will I be charged with something? Why is there so much pressure to have a c-section? How will we ever pay for this and HOW THE HELL DID WE GET HERE?
One of the nurses assures me that I’m actually getting the better end of the deal. At least my vagina won’t be all stretched out. I’ll still be tight for hubby. *wink*
Doc steps out again to “give us space” and my doula prays over me as I’m a blubbering mess.
7:30 - Doc comes in and says we really need to get to the OR if we are going to do this. Her partner is off shift at 8:00 and she really wants him to support her. Trust her, so do I because he’s a genius at incisions and "you’ll never even know it was there".
Yeah, no pressure doc. I’m just having a meltdown at the thought of getting a spinal and, you know, cut open!
7:40 - I’m being rolled to the OR. How the hell did we end up here? I’m all alone. Hubby is being prepped and my doula isn’t allowed in.
I just sitting on the operating table with my back hunched over, sobbing like a little child, and holding on to Doc’s hand for support. She’s good in that regard.
The spinal starts to take over and I’m losing feeling in my body. It's actually kind of fun and I start giggling. Maybe I was just nervous?
They flip me onto the table and Doc says I might feel pressure and a little tug “like this”. Like what? I feel nothing and I’m freezing. Why am I freezing? The nice anesthetist covers my arms and head with what I think is 5 wool blankets. I literally look like a nun.
Hubby comes in, doesn’t say much, and they get started.
8:05 - baby cry! That’s it, I’m done. Birth happened. Or did it? Just show me my baby.
I requested delayed cord clamping. That didn’t happen.
I requested immediate skin to skin. That didn’t happen.
I requested to not be separated from my baby by any means. They took him directly to a warming table and started doing tests.
I don’t think I saw or touched him for a good 5-10 minutes. He’s all swaddled and in hubby’s arms. The only “skin to skin” we get is our cheeks.
What the hell just happened?
I’m wheeled back to the room and baby is brought to me. My doula is still there and she helps him get latched. Apparently he nurses for 45 minutes. I have no recollection of this.
After he nurses, they put him back on the warming table and do more tests/checks. All is good and we are rolled into our recovery room.
My doula leaves and says she’ll check in with us tomorrow.
How did I get here? What just happened?
Daddy changes his first diaper, we barely get any sleep, but that’s ok because WE HAVE A BABY! YAY!
September 8, 2016
8:00AM - Charge nurse comes in to do another check on baby. She steps out and a few minutes later she and another nurse come in and their wheeling my baby away!
Where is he going? Wait for me! Why can’t I come? Where are you taking him?
WHAT IS GOING ON? Why isn't anyone telling me anything?
Hubby gets to leave and go with him and I’m left all alone. Did they say his blood sugar was low? What did I hear about labored breathing? Why did they take him?
Doc comes in all smiles and I’m legitimately hyperventilating.
“Why are you so upset?”
They just took my baby, you numskull! How am I supposed to react?
“They’re taking care of him.”
“Do you have any questions?”
Yes, WHEN CAN I SEE MY BABY?
What feels like HOURS go by and hubby comes back from the NICU. Turns out, I actually did hear quite well. Baby’s blood sugar was low making him slightly jaundice. He also had labored breathing because “when people have c-sections, the baby isn’t squeezed out and therefore liquid gets trapped in the lungs.” Or that’s at least what the nurse told hubby.
“You can’t leave the recovery room yet.”
“Here’s a pump. Send us your milk and he’ll be on donor milk until yours comes in.”
I requested he not be given a pacifier. They shoved one in his mouth the whole time he was down there.
I requested he not be separated from me. I didn’t get to see him until the next day.
I requested that I not be left alone. Hubby was torn between staying with me to help me recover and being with Baby in the NICU.
Check out next week’s post for our NICU story.
Allesanda received her Bachelors in Behavioral Science from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette in December 2013. She now lives in North Texas with her husband and children. As a doula and educator of infant sleep and eco-friendly living, she blogs about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, holistic health, and parenting.